Twitterpatted

The moment that those of us who came together to initiate a trip to the Nibakure Village in Rwanda was described at Twitterpatted. Owl’s word for when the heart is set aflutter in the movie Bambi.  This is a great way to describe, the moment your heart falls in love with something and you know that is the way you are supposed to go.

My heart is Twitterpatted easily. I sometimes describe this as a bad trait of mine because I have no walls and very few, if any, defenses. But deep down I don’t want it to change. Have a heart that is full of energy and hope and sees all things as the best possible version isn’t a bad thing. It just needs to be tempered with the head, else I set myself up for hurt or disappointment after getting carried away.

So how do you separate the Twitterpat-sation from what your head is telling you in pure logic?  In the Nibakure Village moment, my heart was leading me the right way.  However, I was also Twitterpatted with the Chap. And although it is over between us, we have stayed in touch and are trying to be friends. There is something in me that just doesn’t want to let go.  At first I was looking for the validation of being enough. But he apologized (which doesn’t change the damage that was done) and now it is past seeking validation. It is some sort of twisted hope that maybe one day things will be as I dreamed they would be - he would get over his trust issues, we would reunite and live happily ever after. It is such a silly dream from the heart. My heart still sees him, and many others, as the best version of himself. And because I see him that way, I assume he must be capable of being that way.  I assume this of everyone else too.  I’m sure this is what keeps me open to meeting new people and I’m sure this is a big reason why I can’t let go of people who take my energy without giving back.  When you give freely, it is important to remember to receive as well.

There is not an “aha” moment to share here, only the intention to find out to keep one’s heart open and hopefully without letting in those take too much without equitably giving.