Lessons from Single Mom Lifeclass: The Golden Rule of Single Parenting

Iyanla Vanzant said this on Oprah’s Lifeclass for Single Moms - and I can not tell you how many times I’ve given the same advice to a woman who is considering leaving her marriage or a mom who is at the end of her rope, feeling burnt out - "You can not give what you do not have."

I believe this to be the golden role of single parenting. You can’t afford to lose yourself in the role of a parent because if you can not give what you do not have!  You can’t afford to not take care of yourself. You can’t afford to settle for less than what you deserve. You can’t afford to not pursue your dreams. Because you can not give what you do not have.  

Go fill up - on the life you have, the love that is around you and the dreams of what you want to do.

Lessons from Single Mom Lifeclass: You Are Not A Victim

During the Single Mom Lifeclass on Oprah, Iyanla Vanzant said what is one of the most powerful statements ever made about being a single parent: We were not victimized that we were left with children - as opposed to being blessed that God trusted us enough to be given a life to guide and raise.

A blessing...not once did I stop to consider that I have been entrusted with this value life. To be her guide and her rock. That I’m strong enough to take that burden on myself and to surround her with a community that will support her on her journey.  I have been blessed.

Iyanla also went on to explore guilt, stating that: all guilt requires punishment, so if you are holding guilt, you are going to punish yourself. Figure out how you are punishing yourself from your guilt.

How true is this?  I know some of the choices I have made, I did so knowing that they would hurt me in the end. I hadn’t considered that maybe I was punishing myself - by not holding myself as a higher value. By selling myself short, not believing that I deserved more.  My hope for single mom’s everywhere is that you can release the guilt and own your value, own your worthiness so that every decision you make takes you down the path you were meant to walk, along with your children.

I love that Iyanla said when those inevitable feelings of feelings of guilt and negative self-talk come up, bless them and send them out into the world.  Don’t hold on to them, you don’t need them anymore.