Lesson unfolding - part 2

I still haven’t heard back from The Runner, so this post does not include the big finale!

I was thinking about the Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto. The proclamation of exactly what I want to give to Grace and what I want Grace to have as a result of our relationship.

Here are some points from the manifesto:
- Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions--the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.
- I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.
- You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.
- As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.

To these points, I am doing the right thing. Would I want Grace to settle for less than she needs?  Would I tell her she is unreasonable for wanting a relationship in her life that isn’t 50% good and 50% work, but instead 90% good and 10% work? Would I tell her she is not worthy of love because her imperfections are too much?  It is heart-breaking to write these questions because the obvious answer is no. So why then, would I live in such a way that Grace learn from my less-than actions?

It’s time to break my family’s tradition of unworthiness and write a new story (literally, as that’s what I’ve been doing on this blog, isn’t it?)

Ingredients for Joy and Meaning

As I continue to read “The Gifts of Imperfection”, from Brene Brown, she suggests to make a list of what activities/items you consider to contribute joy and meaning to your life. And then compare it to your to-do list to see if your actual activities align with what you need for joy and meaning.  I am not going to share my to-do list as it probably looks similar to most other mom’s of a 2 year old. However, I thought this would be a good venue to start my ingredients list & I encourage you to share your list or even an item or two that you think may be missing!

- Downtime outside: long walks with Grace and our dog, laying in the hammock together, eating dinner outside, going to the park, etc
- Family adventures: going new places and experiencing new things (both for Grace and I)
- Spending time with loved ones, both family and close friends
- Stimulating work that provides a sense of accomplishment
- Exercise
- Music: playing, listening, spontaneous dance parties with Stella and/or friends
- Going to church
- Helping others

Monster for free!

With my newly boy-drama-free time, I’ve been reflecting on the previous post about the guilt I’m carrying around on a daily basis. When I stop to think about it at any given second, I am constantly telling myself where I’m falling short and should do better.  This just won’t do!  Wonder Woman has the word Wonder in her name for a reason! So here begins the battle with my inner monster who has been there since before I can remember. As far as I know, I was born with it. The voice that has told me for years on end that I’m not good enough and not loveable.  I’ve made steps forward with reigning this monster in but after all of this time, all I survived and even thrived through, it seems the appropriate time to put this monster to rest. Easier said that done, as I think many people struggle lifelong to defeat their inner monster, whatever it may be. But I’m tired of mine and would like to put him up for adoption.  “Free Monster, please pick up at curbside”!

I need to get rid of this Monster before I will be able to successfully and smoothly begin dating seriously.  I can blame scars on the ex or past dating experiences but the truth is, the biggest obstacle of all is in me and it needs to go.

Most importantly, this needs to be done for the sake of my daughter. In the preface to her latest book, Brené Brown, Ph.D., a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, said about her research findings, “It was clear from the data that we cannot give our children what we don’t have.Where we are on our journey of living and loving with our whole hearts is a much stronger indicator of parenting success than anything we can learn from how-to books.”