Letting go

It’s time to let go of The Runner. He gave the Christmas presents he made to Grace and I (gorgeous wine bottles lit from within with white lights, each personalized on the outside for Grace and I). He told me that I may be the right girl but it is not the right time for him (sting!!).  I asked him to refrain from texting me.  I opened up myself and my family to him, and now it is my time to heal.

We had one text conversation since Christmas (caused my one drunken text that I sent against my better judgement). He said he missed us and thinks about writing but does not want to hurt me further. He said he is reassessing what he wants out of life and does not know what that is yet. He said it’s not the right time right now.  Vague enough? Yes, I think so. He never explained what was really going on in his head enough for me to understand.

What I know:
I miss him every night before I go to bed. I miss him every morning when I wake up. I can't stand the idea that I'm not going to see him or talk to him again.
I continually tell myself that he has issues to sort out and this is not a fit.
I should move on, but I’m not able to do so right now.
If I really was the right girl for him or he would fight for this.

What I don’t understand:
Why does he tell me he misses Grace & I but he isn’t trying to fix this (I told him this directly).
What is causing him to reassess his life? What needs reassessing?
Is he going to move on and forget about me?
Is he happier now that we aren't hanging out while I’m feeling pretty sad?

It’s time to let go. I wish I knew how!  I made a list of all of the things that I’m upset with him for (23 items!). Down to nitty gritty detail. I re-read this list over and over to remind myself of why I need to move forward.  I keep thinking about what might have been and I’m losing focus on what really was.  What really was, was enough for me to end it. Enough for me to realize I don’t deserve to be treated that way. So why am I hanging on? Just because he comes back and says how much he cares?  That doesn’t get you very far if the actions don’t match.  It’s time to let go.