A Simple Lesson

Pema Chodron’s quote for the week comes right in the nick of time, as always. This week, Pema says:

ANY ENCOUNTER OFFERS US A CHOICE

This is an idea that seems difficult for Westerners to accept: when someone harms us, they create the cause of their own suffering. They do this by strengthening habits that imprison them in a cycle of pain and confusion. It’s not that we are responsible for what someone else does, and certainly not that we should feel guilty. But when they harm us, we unintentionally become the means of their undoing. Had they looked on us with loving-kindness, however, we’d be the cause of their gathering virtue.

What I find helpful in this teaching is that what’s true for them is also true for me. The way I regard those who hurt me today will affect how I experience the world in the future. In any encounter, we have a choice: we can strengthen our resentment or our understanding and empathy. We can widen the gap between ourselves and others or lessen it.

The lesson I learned this week is simple: If someone isn't going to believe who you are when you show yourself to them, then there is no way to win.

To Pema’s point about how we regard those who hurt us, I am trying to find compassion in the situation to understand each individual is unique, however the actions that they choose to take can be hurtful and are not acceptable in my orbit.