Dear Ex Husband,
There
isn’t really a point in getting in to this, but you and I address the things
that are in quantifiable terms such as scheduling, babysitter fees, and
flexible Grace’s extracurricular commitments because that is all we can do at
this point. And that makes sense, it is all anyone can do in this
situation.
But the
things that are hardest on me are not quantifiable. Nothing you can point to,
pay for, trade off, or fix in any way. Those are the things that make the
quantifiable items more irritating to me. So though I will likely get prickly
about this stuff sometimes, I actually think the quantifiable things are going
well, the scheduling, the flexibility, looking out for each other when
possible. I’m not actually annoyed with any of that, just the opposite –I’m
grateful it is going smoothly.
It is the
things that are not quantifiable are so painful and are the root cause of so
much hurt and underlying stress – that sometimes that stress leaks into the
quantifiable things. So I’m not annoyed about your work travel or when
you pay for a babysitter, I think most stuff shakes out fairly and we operate smoothly.
But my
underlying hurt, pain and stress – nothing can be done about it. Just time. And
sometimes it heals more, then the wound opens again, then heals more, then
opens a little again. The past few months the wound has been opening. And I’m
hurting. And it is hard to see you or talk to you or even look at you in the
eye.
I’m not
sending this to ask for something different. Just to let you know why sometimes
things are lighter and easier and sometimes they are harder and I seem
frustrated.
Sincerely,
Diana
No comments:
Post a Comment