Wednesday, February 11, 2015

What he did before the first day came true 10x by the 5th date!

An early blogpost put forth the theory that "whatever a person does on the first date, multiply it by 10X and that's what you'll get 90 days into the relationship".

This rang true with the last guy I dated. We went out 4 times. Before the first date, he texted for so many weeks that I said I didn't sense he was that interested and wished him good luck with his search. He said he was interested and finally asked me out.  Straight away: he was not interested enough.

On the second date, we met at a bar near his place in the city. I drove around for 40 mins looking for parking. He was at the bar having a drink for the last 20 mins of my desperate search for a spot, and not once offered to come out and help me find a spot.

On date three and four, he drove out to my town but made no effort to make plans, he left it all to me.

So after 2 weeks went by and he texted and said "what are you doing next week? what to meet up?" I thought 'no, I want to be asked to have dinner, I "meet up" with my friends'.  So I kindly wrote back and said that this was feeling like more of a friend thing, but I was happy to hang out as friends, time permitting (I didn't say time permitting but I assume that was understood).

He proceeds to send a few texts saying he was just busy and he is interested, but I didn't have the heart to say "even when you made time, you still did not make much of an effort".  And now it's time to move on..

Monday, February 9, 2015

What to do When You Have Stretched Passed Your Limit?

I am most definitely stretched passed my limit.

I've over-extended myself, over-spent my energy and over-reached my boundaries in order to try to make life perfect....and what came as a result? I'm past the point of exhaustion and (spoiler alert) life didn't end up perfect after all :)

At this point it is time for a total life recharge: take care of myself
  • Turning down social invitations when I feel the need to catch up on sleep
  • Indulging in some wonderfully entertaining TV programming
  • Picked up a bottle of body wash that says "indugle" so I thought I would. 
  • To start to fight back my own image of myself as a rundown 35 year old living inside a haggard, worn-out 85 year old body, I invested in 2 key 'beautifiers':
    1. The Clairsonic skin cleaning brush. My skin as never felt so soft and looked so shiny! It took years off instantly!
    2. A fancy new hairdryer which hasn't arrived yet so I can't remember the name nor give an honest review, but I am sure it will yield Jennifer Aniston-level style
I have a lot of overextending, overspending, and overreaching to heal. It will take some time. So going forward, I learned a few key lessons to try and prevent passing my limit:
  • Ask for a break as soon as I need it - don't wait until it is dire
  • Take care of myself as a priority, not only as a remedy
  • Change internal dialogue to be positive - because life is perfectly imperfect
  • Laugh WAY more often
  • Move out of the way of the storm of those who will take what you have and leave you feeling empty 
  • Recognize joy in small moments

Monday, February 2, 2015

Happy Un-Groundhog's Day

Today is Groundhog's Day, perhaps celebrated across the nation but most definitely in Pennsylvania where the infamous groundhog lives.

I started thinking about the term 'groundhog's day' for a repeat experience over and over.  And I realized that today, for the first year, I can honestly say it is Un-Groundhog's Day. I've learned so much over the last year - about who I am, what I am worth, and how to set boundaries to be treated as I would like - that I will not fall into the same traps over and over again this year.

Last year had four really big hits of mistakes. And I used to say I never made a mistake, I always learned from my experiences - but four times it seems like I repeated the same naive hope and belief and landed on my you-know-what, crushed each time.

But the truth is, each time I built up hope and believed in someone for different reasons and it took the same lesson, over and over, to realize that settling for less than you are worth - under any circumstances - is never ok.  As soon as that little voice inside tugs at you and says 'this guy doesn't add up' - trust the voice because there is a reason it is there!

So Happy Un-Groundhogs Day to all of my fellow singles who are getting wiser by the year :)