Thursday, May 29, 2014

It's Just an F***ing Date

After watching an Oprah Lifeclass on why women settle, I promptly bought the book “Just an F***ing Date” by the couple who were featured on the episode doling out brutally honest, but spot on advice. The husband is the guy who wrote “He’s Just Not That Into You”.

I started the book yesterday and am hooked by it’s promises of looking at dating differently. It comes at it from the angle that we all know to be true - know your worth and don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t treat you that way. Yet it gives more practical advice on how not to fall into traps (or make the stupid decisions) that we all seem to do.

Buy the book and read along with me!

Tuesday, May 27, 2014


Hello, my name is Diana and I’m a Tinderaholic. I admit it. I’m addicted!  Tinder is so fun. While I’m perplexed at why I’m matched with every guy (a bit of research revealed that a lot of guys indiscriminately “swipe right” to match with as many girls as possible and then worry about the rest later), it is really fun having the ease of texting new people without the intensity of drafting an entire email or the infringement of constant text noises and notifications on the phone (all I see is the badge app icon showing how many new messages I have - look! I have one now!)

I scheduled 2 days for Memorial Day. One from Tinder and one from Plenty of Fish. Unfortunately, both postponed, and for legit reasons. I think the one will reschedule. The other may not - he postponed for a family emergency and I’m not sure that he will be up for meeting a stranger for drinks while dealing with a pretty difficult situation.  Either way, it was nice to meet two people who refrained from saying anything creepy and have shown the utmost courtesy!  I also have one other potential Tinder date for this week, though no day/time has been set. Wonder Woman’s rule #56 of dating: It’s not a date until he asks and a date/time is set.  (you may even not consider it a date until a location is set, but I consider it a date if it is blocked off in my calendar).

The best part of the whole weekend is that because the two dates were postponed, I spent the entire day on Memorial Day alone. And I was content! I really enjoyed the peace of being alone. The time I’ve invested in becoming comfortable being by myself is really paying off. Dating truly is ‘Just an F***ing Date’...more to come on that topic.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Trying Tinder

A good guy friend loaded Tinder on my phone last week. In case you aren’t familiar, it is an app that links to your facebook profile. You choose which pics from FB you want to display and you have the option to provide a brief profile freehand.

You are served up pics from people who are within a certain distance that you specify and if you like them you swipe right and if you aren’t interested, you swipe left and contact is lost for all eternity. Only about 50% of the people seem to have profiles so half the time you are deciding on pictures alone.

If you swipe right on someone and the swipe right for you, you are matched and then have the option to instant message each other through the app.

In 4 days I’ve been matched 60 times and have had contact with 30 people!  It’s insane!  The good thing is it is much less intense than because you already know that the other person must be semi-interested. And since it is only instant messages, there are no long emails to create from your mustered up wit.

I don’t know if anything will come of this, but it is definitely fun and after a break from dating, it is sort of refreshing to feel like I’m connecting with new guys...even if it is superficial for the moment :)

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Mother's Day Re-do

For Mother's Day weekend, I took my mother and Grace to Ocean City, NJ. We had a lovely weekend - the weather was perfect, the food was good: there was shopping, playing in the sand, riding rides, and more. But at the end of the 2 days, as everyone asked “How was your Mother’s day?” I could only reply “eh, ok”.

Upon some reflection I realized I was let down that Mother’s Day was about everyone else but me. There was no celebration of me being a mom, not even a break except with my Mom volunteered to bathe Grace at the end of the day - it was just another day of normal responsibilities that come with being a single mom coupled with added pressure of ensuring my mother was having a lovely weekend while making sure my daughter was staying out of trouble in a visitor-packed resort town!  

I’m not great at asking for what I want. So I took a risk and decided to give it a shot - I sent this email to my mother, father and ex-husband!

Hi Mom, Dad and Ex-Husband,

I'm not great at asking for what I need but after giving it some thought, I'd like to ask for a Mother's Day break for me.  Mostly on mother's day, traditional families goes out of their way to make thing easier for the mom and give her a break. I watched all of the dads go out of their way to celebrate the moms and give them a break.  Our family isn't really set up that way. So I'm asking for a small re-do so I get a break.

Mostly on mother's days I spend the weekend making sure Grace is having a good time along with whichever grandparent is with us - while continually running after Grace.  This year since Gram was with us, it was important to me that Gram have a lovely, relaxing weekend since she is my mom.  However, I felt kind of depressed and frazzled at the end of Mothers day.

So I'm asking you three to work together to create some "Diana time". I don't care what it is and it doesn't need to be a whole day - a few hours that are a break for me would be nice - surprise me :)    I'm happy to use the gift certificate that Ex-Husband got me for a spa during Diana time (he was heading in the right direction with that!)


PS to my blog reader - you are not imagining things, my ex-husband did get me a spa certificate for Mother’s day. While he grates on my nerves and I still haven’t forgiven him, I do realize I’m lucky to have an ex-husband who actually cares about my well-being in addition to that of our daughters, as he knows those two things are inexplicably related.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

"...You were never in control anyway"

I admit it - I raged over the weekend. Not in the partied too hard, had a blast way. In the ex-husband-is-endlessly-annoying way. I cried, I would have kicked and screamed ala Grace’s 3 year old tantrums if I didn’t stop myself from a total melt down.

I still hate him. I don’t want to hate him, I want all of the anger to go away. But there is still so much there. In fact, when I think about what I had hoped for, I get even angrier at him. So there is definitely a link and truth in what Pema says about letting go of hope and focusing on contentment with what is.

Doesn't he understand what he ruined? What he gave up? What torment I'm left with in the wake of his damage? What a complete and utter weakling he really is?  Why does he walk around like father of the year who accidentally had a fender-bender a few years back - oopsie, I ended the family!

There was a quote on Facebook this week, “You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” - Steve Maraboli

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

"I had hoped..."

“I had hoped” is said to be one of the saddest phrases. And as I let the solitude settle down around me and embrace my time alone, I find the phrase “I had hoped…” pops up frequently. I had hoped there would be someone there to share these experiences with. I had hoped there would be someone there to help with Grace threw a tantrum. I had hoped someone would be there to help.  My marriage did not turn out as I had hoped, but I’m ok.  And I’m quite sure one day I will turn around and be thankful that divorced happened because it freed my from a very limited, unhappy life.

Pema Chodron talks about letting go of hope - I think she means in terms of setting yourself up for disappointment. But it is nearly impossible not to hope for good things for yourself and your loved ones.

This weekend my dog was diagnosed with SARDS. In about 2 days he went totally blind. It was devastating at first, as I had hoped he would live a happy, loved life.  He still seems as vibrant as ever, although a little more tentative as he adjusts to relying fully on his other senses.  So although it is an adjustment for him and for Grace and I, I can already see that his strength and determination is shining through and even if it is not how I had hoped, it is ok.

Unfortunately his bloodwork also came back irregular - slightly elevated indicating a possible problem with kidney functions.  I had hoped he would love a long, healthy life. I don’t get the results of the follow up tests until tomorrow. I do hope they are ok.

I am trying to remember that even if things do not turn out as I had hoped, that does not mean they won’t be ok...or even better.