Is no news good news?

I have no news to report this week.  I am not convinced that is good though.  I had a short text conversation with Mr. Nice Guy at the end of last week which semi-smoothed over my rambling from the date. Then he went away for ‘boys weekend’ and I haven’t heard from him since.  Yeah, couldn’t have left that good of impression. (remind me at some point to examine why I have decent first dates with no follow up. Are the first dates not as good as I think? Or am I the psycho stalker girl after?  I’d like to think I’ve grown out of any bad dating habits. Perhaps, as many have suggested, I’m just picking the wrong people to have a first date with!)

So no guy drama. No life drama since nothing is going on. I’ve been enjoying my small moments with Grace. I picked up my first stone to fill my jar (see: Fill ‘Er Up!) last night when we spent a blissful evening playing at the park. She is such a joy: the way she lights you up inside and out just by looking at you. When she hugs me, it sends tingles through my skin and lifts my heart.  

Well, maybe that is the answer: for this week, no news was good :)

The Date

The date with Mr. Nice Guy (from the shore this weekend) was great. Well, let me rephrase, Mr. Nice Guy was great. He is good in all ways. Good career, good hobbies, good interest, good athletic ability, and good looks!  He can talk about everything from my favorite show, the Closer, to obscure music to economics (which I am not as proficient at). And while I fancy myself to be fairly eloquent, unfortunately when I’m nervous, verbose would be an understatement.  I prattled on about every oddity that entered my mine. The duck that I want to have at home and train to use the dog door, my theory on x-men powers, and of course, the infamous story of how I broke my finger playing football last fall.  Oh my, oh my, oh my. Why wouldn’t my mouth just close and stay closed? What happened to playing it cool?

I was very nervous because he is SO good. Very calm, very smooth and I matched every inch of his smoothness with dorky conversation and awkwardness.  I like to think of myself as good in every way too and hope that one day the right guy will see that.  But it’s going to take someone with super strength vision to see through the muck that I was yacking about last night!

Will I hear from him again? I  don’t know. With his introverted tendencies and my overwhelming performance, I am trying to figure out how to swing the odds back into my favor!

Score!

It’s a date - score!  While the most excellent plan to snag a DJ did not pan out as expected (as least not yet), I met a very nice guy at the shore this weekend. He seems solid, nice, smart, educated, gainfully employed, and most of all not-self-absorbed. He showed evidence of considering others feelings. A notion that I almost didn’t recognize in practice, as it’s been so long since I’ve seen that from a guy!  haha  Oh and he’s in his 30’s - legit!  Drinks tomorrow night. We’ll see how it goes!

Closing out other news:
The Model - the Model has held true to the stereotypical notion of models historically - self absorbed. His actions have indicated he’s only interested in what he wants. Though he said multiple times he would like to be friends, he doesn’t really act that way and so this hereby closes the chapter on The Model.

The Housemate Crush:
After explaining the consequences of his actions to him a few weeks ago, we exchange email pleasantries where he thanked me for telling him what had happened from my view and said it gave him a lot to think about in terms of how transparent he is with girls about his intentions from the beginning. Perhaps it will save a naive girl somewhere from a disappointment.

Hot Hair:
Making a strong comeback from the summer of ‘11, I have been hanging out with Hot Hair pretty much once a weekend at the shore.  He’s lots of fun but no real potential there. Unbelievably, his hair has gotten even hotter since last year :)

My efforts of boy simplification seem to be paying off and overall am feeling quite content right about now.  Although it could be my nightly al fresco dining with Grace followed by our long walks together...bliss.

Alliteration

Why are alliterated names always attached to attractive affiliates of the opposite sex?  I have perceived a pervasive penchant for plicate proper names.  Has anyone else seen the same situation that I speak of?

How to pick up a DJ

How to pick up a DJ

1) Dance with friends in front of him
2) Make eye contact
3) Repeat eye contact
4) Friend him on facebook and send a cute message

Result = hearts and sparkles??   TBD.

Playa's Gonna Play

After two weeks of feeling rather foolish and humiliated at my lack of common sense and naivety when it came to the beach house Crush hook-up, I finally took the opportunity to sit down with him and let him know that I was hurt. From the lack of communication (not even a text?!?) to being treated like I was just ‘some girl’ that he picked up at the shore.  He restated that he is not boyfriend material and I reminded him that I never asked for a boyfriend, I asked for one date. And I did not understand why he took it further when I made my intentions clear.  He apologized profusely and said he thought we were on the same page with ‘fun’ and I assured him we were not and as a result it was embarrassing and painful as I had to watch him bring another girl home the night of my wedding anniversary.  He said that he hoped he hadn’t ruined my summer to which I replied “don’t give yourself that much credit!” and explained I was only letting him know because sometimes the person on the other side has feelings that are hurt when taken for granted and in this case, I’m not as tough as the other girls may be and I felt taken advantage of. When the conversation ended, I felt a huge weight lift because I stood up for myself rather than sucking down the humiliation for the rest of the summer.

On a happier, and much of a long shot note, I met a really nice, funny guy at the shore & it turns out we have mutual friends. Our mutual friend was gushing over what a truly nice guy he is and she is currently working to see if she can make the connection.  

For the immediate future though, I am fully enthralled with the beginning of the final season of the Closer. I've been watching 1 - 2 episodes before bed each night and find it to be a blissful escape.  I highly recommend tuning in!

Fill 'Er Up!

This weekend marked my 2nd non-wedding anniversary. I surrounded myself with sun, sand and friends for the weekend but even that wasn’t enough to stave off of the emotional tidal wave that accompanies a date that once held such importance.  Every divorced person in my beach house (which turns out to be a total of 4, 2 whom I previously did not know about) talked with me about their experience and essentially said that the only thing that makes it better is time.  One girl shared with me that the void that is felt can not be filled by boys or activities or anything else, it is still there when you wake up the next day, but time will slowly fill it and one day it will no longer be there. So I decided to buy a large glass container and begin to fill it with pebbles from each place that a new and loving memory is made. For example, a pebble from the beach house for my friends there. A pebble from the zoo from a fun afternoon with Grace. Eventually my empty container will be filled with new, wonderful memories. And I hope by then, so will the void.

Oops, I Did It Again

After a week of no contact from Mr. Crush, I saw him at the shore this weekend and he didn’t acknowledge that anything had happened. I waited a full 12 hours before breaking down and inquiring “not even one text?” to which he re-informed me he was not boyfriend material, blah blah.  Unfortunately, I teared up and walked away, rather than making the case that I was not asking for a boyfriend, merely that we spend some time together and that he said he thought that was a good idea.  But alas, as my mother pointed out, I had a crush and jumped rather than waiting, getting to know the person, and letting it unfold naturally. “He will ask you out if he wants to go out with you.”  I guess I’m too scared to wait because it may mean no one will EVER ask me out!

This was a pretty crushing blow and I’ve been out of sorts ever since (actually for the last few weeks).  As a single mom, you give and give and give so that you are pretty much running on empty permanently.  So when a guy shows you a little attention, it is like water to a cactus, it is hard to remember self-restraint and instead you just want to soak it in. Anything to have someone take care of you & make you feel good, even if only for a few minutes.

So my lesson is learned. A crush isn’t really a crush unless you know the person. And if they return the crush, they’ll ask you. In the meantime, I’ve grown much closer to the girls in the house (who all know what happened, despite my best efforts to keep it quite).  Two of the girls made an excellent point that we are all bonded together as single women who are awesome & independent and although we haven’t found the person we are looking for yet, we can have a lot of fun together.

On a semi-related note, there is an excellent blog post on Gretchen Rubin’s ‘Happiness Blog’ today called “Loving-Kindness is the Better Part of Goodness”: http://happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2012/07/loving-kindness-is-the-better-part-of-goodness/
This was apropo as I realized all I can do is be kind to myself & love myself and everything else will follow.  Now, if I could only figure out how to let go of all of the negative thoughts in my head and leave on the loving & kind ones...