Oops, I Did It Again

After a week of no contact from Mr. Crush, I saw him at the shore this weekend and he didn’t acknowledge that anything had happened. I waited a full 12 hours before breaking down and inquiring “not even one text?” to which he re-informed me he was not boyfriend material, blah blah.  Unfortunately, I teared up and walked away, rather than making the case that I was not asking for a boyfriend, merely that we spend some time together and that he said he thought that was a good idea.  But alas, as my mother pointed out, I had a crush and jumped rather than waiting, getting to know the person, and letting it unfold naturally. “He will ask you out if he wants to go out with you.”  I guess I’m too scared to wait because it may mean no one will EVER ask me out!

This was a pretty crushing blow and I’ve been out of sorts ever since (actually for the last few weeks).  As a single mom, you give and give and give so that you are pretty much running on empty permanently.  So when a guy shows you a little attention, it is like water to a cactus, it is hard to remember self-restraint and instead you just want to soak it in. Anything to have someone take care of you & make you feel good, even if only for a few minutes.

So my lesson is learned. A crush isn’t really a crush unless you know the person. And if they return the crush, they’ll ask you. In the meantime, I’ve grown much closer to the girls in the house (who all know what happened, despite my best efforts to keep it quite).  Two of the girls made an excellent point that we are all bonded together as single women who are awesome & independent and although we haven’t found the person we are looking for yet, we can have a lot of fun together.

On a semi-related note, there is an excellent blog post on Gretchen Rubin’s ‘Happiness Blog’ today called “Loving-Kindness is the Better Part of Goodness”: http://happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2012/07/loving-kindness-is-the-better-part-of-goodness/
This was apropo as I realized all I can do is be kind to myself & love myself and everything else will follow.  Now, if I could only figure out how to let go of all of the negative thoughts in my head and leave on the loving & kind ones...