Monday, June 15, 2015

Eat, Pray, Love, Rwanda

Four years post-divorce and the landscape looks so different. Grace has grown from a baby into a child. We made a fresh start in a new house (just last month) in a nicer neighborhood, in a house that feels like a home.  Old friends have all stayed in place and may new friends have become as close as family. I landed my dream job of running a marketing program.  I'm now a blogger on the Huffington Post.  All of this...and I'm still alone. Except alone used to feel scary and daunting. Now it feels free and empowering. All choices are mine, the path is mine, the joy is mine.

In the last 8 months I have barely dated. But I've been eating. In part to gain weight before going to Rwanda. In part because, for the first time in longer than I can remember, I don't care as much about what I look like. I no longer feel in competition with other girls for the holy grail of a stunning single man.

I've been meditating (or trying to). Using new techniques to gain perspective in times when control is no longer mine. The moving process really puts this to the test - buying and selling a house is a high stakes game and you want to come out a winner but you don't know until the dust settles how you did.

Next week I leave for Rwanda. I'm all nerves mixed with some excitement. As the day approaches I expect more nerves and less excitement and after the plane takes off I except the tide will change. I won't have any control over what happens, it is all in the hands of God, the Universe, the Higher Power. All there is to do is to let go and live....and love.  Those kids who have never known a mother's love. Who don't have individual attention on a regular basis.

So although I am still alone, I feel that the whole universe is supporting me. On this journey, on this path. Moving forward.

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