Tuesday, April 22, 2014

'Resurrection happens in the dark when you are alone and scared'

I spent the weekend with Grace. No boys to chase, no boys chasing me. Just Grace and I.  When she went to bed, I had solitude to reflect.

The immediate reaction of panic came and instead of reacting, I breathed through it. I told myself if I could get through the nights alone, a new day would come and life would continue to move forward - and hopefully I would feel more engaged with it.  

I focused on letting all of the pain of the past go, letting the fear of being alone go.  I didn’t try to ‘move right or move left’, I just sat in the middle with the passing emotions.  And a funny thing happened - some of the anxiety of isolation fell away and I just focused on what was happening in the moment.

I went to church on Easter Sunday and our ever-wise Pastor preached about how we frequently look for God in the light, in the good - but the resurrection happened at night.  That resurrection happens at night, when we are alone and scared. How true! It was like she was speaking directly to me.  I can’t say that come Sunday morning, it was some miracle moment that all of the sudden my fear of being alone is gone, but it felt new & different, like progress, like evolution.

Little Buddha emailed this morning saying that patience is the key to what I seek.  That it is hard to wait for life to evolve, but it is in that patience that the evolution actually happens. 

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