"I am Love"

I’ve been doing the Oprah - Deepok Chopra 21 day meditation experience.  Each day Oprah gives a few thoughts on the day’s topic and then Deepok Chopra does a deeper dive before giving you a centering through and mantra on which to meditate.

On Friday, I hit a turning point. I was feeling awful, about all of the bad decisions I’d made with boys over the last few weeks, about feeling so alone even three years after the divorce, just unworthy in general.  My Mom came over and told me that she never worries about me hitting bottom because she knows that my core is based in love. So there is no rock bottom. I will always come back to my core, which is love.

After we talked, we did the Oprah-Deepok Chopra meditation for the day (it was technically Day 4 because I’m a day behind).  Oprah discussed how we spend our time looking for love outside of ourselves. Deepok went on to explain that we already are love. We are all connected from the source and we are love. We can radiate that out to others. We don’t need to seek it out in others.  The centering thought was “I am love” and as I repeated this silently to myself for 10+ mins, my heart began to lighten and I could full love and light streaming out.

Since then I’ve started to feel lighter and lighter. Remembering that even as loneliness touches me (like on a Sunday night), I am love, I do not need to seek it elsewhere to see it.  In the next meditation I focused on sending that love to all of my loved ones, hoping that maybe they would feel like a little more lightness in their day as the love that I sent comes to them.

”You share with the people who have earned the right to hear your story.”

I was watching a segment of Brene Brown’s discussion on vulnerability with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday, and Brene definitely stated,”You share with the people who have earned the right to hear your story.”

This instantly hit home as I’ve been feeling disconnected in my new workplace. I do not have “a person” (as Meredith Grey frequently refers to as Christine Yang). I don’t have someone I can truly confide in about my own concerns, insecurities and anxieties that arise from a new job and the associated challenges. At this point in our lives, it is abundantly clear that the only path to true connection is through vulnerability. As such, I have selectively had conversations where I was vulnerable with a few coworkers that I thought may understand.  These conversations were received with varying levels of validation and empathy but one thing that has not happened is reciprocation. I don’t know if everyone at this company is afraid to be vulnerable or if it is generally taken as a sign of weakness to be vulnerable (aka real) in the workplace.  Either way I’ve been feeling isolated and disconnected.

During the interview, Oprah and Brene remark that if you have one friend who ‘shows up’ for you when you are vulnerable, that is all you need. And if you have 2 or 3 friends who ‘show up’, consider yourself lucky. Well, I must be the luckiest superhero on the planet because I need two hands to count the number of close friends who show up and support me not just when I’m feeling vulnerable but when they are too. True friends that you know will not judge or critique but who show empathy and compassion as we are all trying to ‘grow our gardens’ in a sometimes difficult environment (see earlier post).

I highly recommend checking out a few of Brene Brown’s segments with Oprah - they are chuncked into short bits by topic so you can glean amazing insights without being glued to your computer screen.  If you watch/have watched the interviews, please share any parts that hit home for you!