Monday, September 9, 2013

Don't Look Back!!

Why is it that whenever we girls get a little lonely, we always miss a guy that came before. In my case, I miss The Runner.  Especially because we met at this time last year. I missed when he would spontaneously come over for an unplanned hang out, I miss going for long walks in the fall, I miss how he looked at me.  This sounds like a fairy-tale - because it is!  All of the things I miss were the good, but I certainly don’t swoon thinking about all of the ambiguity and the lack of ability to connect and be vulnerable. I don’t miss the many angst-filled days I spent trying to figure out what he was thinking and feeling because he sent so many mixed signals.

So why is it that when I’m lonely, I go right back to that fairy-tale and literally have to sit on my hands to stop myself from emailing him to see how he is doing (or, if I’m being honest, emailing him to see if he still thinks about me).

I settled when I married the first time. I didn’t know any better, I thought I should accept the behaviors that were unacceptable in reality.  This time I won’t settle. And reopening the door will only cause more pain and would be settling.  Thank goodness I referenced my own blog from December last year when I was able to clearly articulate why he wasn’t a fit for me and followed with a blog post about my Mystery Man - the one who will bring comfort, gentleness, love and understanding to my life.  Now is not the time to panic and look back!!  It is time to stay true to myself and keep moving forward.

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