Monday, December 16, 2013

One Day at a Time

He came back. I was resistant, hesitant, doubtful, but he made his case - he owned up to everything that had happened and said he panicked. That once it ended, he realized what had happened and that he didn’t want to let me go. He made no promises for the future, only that what is between us is worth working toward and he wants to do the work.

I thought if I gave him another chance, my friends and family would call me a fool. I gave him so many chances to hurt me. On the other hand, if I didn’t give him a chance, would I always wonder what could have been?  And honestly, is there any girl on the planet that can say no when someone says deep things that sound like they are out of a romance movie? It is what every girl wants to hear. I am cautious that the actions need to follow.

So I cautiously said ok, that the pace needs to slow way down and the intensity needs to come down. Although he apologized for that and said it was his fault, I take ownership of part of that as well. I open up so easily and show someone the vulnerable parts of myself before they earn it. I set both my hopes and expectations high, believing things will work out, merely because you “like” someone.  That part of me needs to grow up. Being open and vulnerable certainly takes a lot of strength but I have much to offer and that should be earned through the other person’s actions.

So I’m giving it a chance. Because he is long distance and a few things are influx personally on both sides, we haven’t set a date to see each other. I’m not even sure if he can sit through the uncertainty long enough to get to the point we are ready to set a trip to visit.  I hope he can. Hopes high, but no expectations. One day at a time.

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