Monday, June 16, 2014

Post-Date Texts

A lot rides on a post-date text. The first communication after you’ve hung out is critical to telling you (and him) how the date went and setting the tone for what comes next.

The Long Text
A friend told me that after a terrible first date (read: he asked if she liked to dress up in the bedroom), she received a text that scrolled off of the bottom of the screen.  I don’t care what that text says, any text that scrolls off the bottom of the screen is bad news. Either he’s needy, crazy and sending a manifesto, or much too aggressive for just having one date.  Needless to say, she didn’t see him again.

The Short Text
Everyone has received the nebulous phrase text. Like ‘it was nice to meet you’. It’s not enough information to confirm that the other person had a good time. It doesn’t hint if they want to hang out again. It is merely an acknowledgement that the evening took place.  The only thing this is slightly better than is the No Text….

The No Text
It is brutual when you don’t receive a text after a date. Is he trying to erase it from history? Pretend that it never happened?  Maybe he broke all of his fingers in a freak accident when trying to open his front door when he got home. That must be it...because it takes 2 seconds to acknowledge can’t be that he is just pretending the night never existed!

The 2 - 3 Sentence Text
The best text to get after a date is 2 - 3 sentences:
First sentence: acknowledging he had a great time
Last sentence: asking to hang out again (or referencing ‘next time’ but really, the optimal text includes an ask for a 2nd date)
Middle sentence (optional): referencing some inside joke that was shared on the date

The Let Down Text (patented by me)
Unfortunately, sometimes you are forced to send a text to let the other person down. Here is my 3 sentence secret sauce to doing so:
1. Thank him for the drink/date/night
2. Say something positive about him, such as “it sounds like you’ve had many great experiences in your travels”
3.  Give him the truth/wish him luck combo: “Unfortunately this isn’t a match, but I wish you the best of luck in your search”.

On my last 3 tinder dates, the post-date text outcomes were:
Date #1 - I received the 2 - 3 sentence text. I replied with the let-down text
Date #2 - N/A - with the ill father, there wasn’t really anywhere for this to go.
Date #3 - I received the 2 - 3 sentence text. I replied with a short text. I should have just womaned-up (I supposed that is the feminine version of manned up) and send the let down.

Let’s see what date #4 brings.

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