Monday, January 5, 2015

The Hope in Not Having Hope

I can't remember being this stressed since the actual divorce happened.  It even caused some type of weird heart episode!  (diagnosed by my father as a 10 second pre-beat).  When things really pile on and you are stretched to your limit, you have on choice but to take it day by day. I wake up each morning and think about the day ahead and think 'ok, I can handle this'.  But as soon as I think about tomorrow or any time past that, I get very overwhelmed!

My brain seems to have partially shut down, the drama with my momma and then with Grace's father on top of the cancelled dates - it was too much at one time and at some point I felt my brain say 'that's enough!' and it shut down and said 'you need to simplify and you can't process this all at once' (what a wise brain!)

So I'm taking it day by day, and I'm not panicking when feelings ebb and flow because those will pass and time will move on.  This is the first time I really don't have a vision of what's to come - but maybe that is the hopeful part - the hope of not having specific hopes hung up on an expectant future.

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