Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Here comes the sun

Funny how in the darkest of moments, the light that shines through seems the brighest. When you are in the sun, you take the light for granted. But when you are in the dark, the ray of light that shines through requires an adjustment to see.  After my earlier post this morning, I exchanged a series of emails with my ex continuing from last night and he sent across this paragraph:

“I am sure I was resentful at the time but quickly learned that wasn't the real issue.  The real issue (from my point of view) is my inability to communicate my concerns or issues and the snowballing effect that created.  I hated and resented myself upon realizing that and quickly realized any actions you did that upset me were blips on the radar and I really just compounded it 100 fold by my own issues."

This is the first time since the beginning that he’s admitted it was him, not me. And although every single friend and loved one has told me this over and over (many phrased in a less than nice way...haha), I needed to hear it from him. I needed him to own the damage he did. He spent so long passing the buck on to me, my actions or our situation that he never took ownership that it all came from him.  The sunshine is finally coming through. In the form of The Runner, my friends, my loved ones, those surprise emails that pop up with encouraging words when you need them most, and most of all, my daughter.

So next time I revert to selling myself short and blaming myself for the past, someone please remind me that it was on him, it was not my fault.

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