Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Waiting Game

That unsure time after you have a first date when you aren’t sure if the other person is interested or if a second date is coming, I affectionately call “The Waiting Game”.  I was telling Little Buddha how that old familiar anxious feeling of wondering what TGI Fridays is thinking and if he wants to see me again was setting in.  Despite positive signs on the first date, I haven’t had a consistent experience after a good first date - some guys come on super strong, some guys take their time, and some randomly disappear.  I informed her I am patiently waiting for him to ask me out rather than me chasing him (as we control-freaks default to doing).  Little Buddha astutely asked the following questions, to which I answered in capitals:

“Is it that you automatically assume that it’s a dig on you? YES
They are not asking so it’s you that’s done something, it’s you that’s not appealing, it’s you that isn’t good enough??? YES
Is it not patience, but panic? YES”

I laughed out loud when I received her questions because she was dead on. I reverted back to my familiar path of thinking that it must be a reflection of me. It is amazing the amount of scenarios your mind can run in a few minute window, calculating the odds of what will happen, the effects of what has already transpired and predicting his next move.  I’m sure there is a better use of my brain than this!

Pema Chodron’s quote for this week more eloquently describes this experience:
“Not acting on our habitual patterns is only the first step toward not harming others or ourselves. The transformative process begins at a deeper level when we contact the rawness we’re left with whenever we refrain…..We allow ourselves to wait, to sit patiently with the urge to act or speak in our usual ways and feel the full force of that urge without turning away or giving in.”

So now I am catching myself and redirecting my thoughts to more positive places - though I need to do this about every 10 minutes when my patience runs out and the panic sets in!  How do you fight that panicky feeling?  How do you get through the Waiting Game?

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