Thursday, January 30, 2014

My theory of resentment

I really hate the word emoting. Some people call it as it is – yelling, crying, etc.  Shrinks classify it under a term “emoting" which seems to always sound taboo yet they assure us it is ok.  So why is it after you do yell, lose your temper or cry, you feel as if you’ve stepped out of bounds and done something wrong? So what, it means you actually care!!  I yelled at Chap when we were last together and I do not regret it because he pushed and pushed until it was too far – and that is what happens when someone is pushed too far.  Sometimes it is a response to intentional pushing, sometimes you have been pushed bit by bit over a long period of time until you are backed up against your own personal wall.  So you let some emotion out, you make some space – good for you!!

Usually if you hit the point of yelling, losing your temper or crying, its because you’ve built up some resentment.  I can't really speak intelligently to what happens with resentment because I haven’t been in a relationship that has made it through the other side of a build-up of resentment. I know that feeling that you just don’t like the other person right now.  I certainly felt that way with my ex-husband, and I assume everyone feels that way at points in their relationship. But I don't really know – do you?  In general, my theory is that resentment builds up and has to be sorted out in order to 'unblock’ so that the 'like' can flow freely again. But that's just my theory, because my ex-husband wasn’t able to sort his resentment so he never unblocked. And he never helped sort mine, he just used it against me - so I never unblocked. But I am 99% sure that if you can sort through the resentment together, it becomes unblocked. That once you start sorting, it gets better and better and the positive feelings come back in once the negative blockers have been removed. 

Just my theory, I welcome yours!

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