Friday, February 15, 2013

Wear and tear

Each time I’ve glanced at myself in the mirror lately, I’ve notice I look different. I look worn.  When I finally stop and take a good look I see new creases, darker spots and an all already fading of what I used to look like.  I don’t mean to say that I am upset that I’m aging (which I likely am), but instead I am dismayed because the person that looks back at me reminds me of a survivor of a war. Torn, tired, with scars to show it. I pushed my body to the brink when I went through round after round of fertility medication to have Grace. And then again during pregnancy. And then for a third time when I lost all of the pregnancy weight + 10 additional pounds shortly after Grace was born when my ex-husbands affair was revealed.  My body is now tired and sore. My face is creased and sunken in.  I don’t know if anyone else can see it or if the reflection in the mirror is the reflection of my mind.

Nonetheless, I’m off to get a haircut and I invested in some “brightening moistorizier” becuase whatever scars exist either in reality or as an image in my mind, they were earned. They are badges of merit. For the strength it took to have my daughter. The strength it took to build a new life. And the strength it is taking to move forward each day into uncharted territory. So my badges of merit deserve a little pampering themselves and hopefully a mini-makeover will help restore some pep that used to be.

This post is not meant to be a complaint or even negative. It is more a statement of fact, an observation. Things you notice that have changed after the dust settles.  And as always, with change comes new growth. I’m looking forward to noticing that too!

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