Taking back the Month of Me

The potential stand-up match date texted at the last minute to ask if we had plans to meet for drinks and informed me the weekend had “scrambled his brain”. He asked if I still wanted to meet. I said since I hadn’t heard from him, I assumed drinks were off. He asked if I wanted to meet up the next night at a less nice bar further from my house. I said no because I arranged to have Grace taken care of that night so I could go out but I was going to hang out with her the following night. He didn’t text back.  Who wants to go out with someone who texts at the very last minute to say “were we supposed to meet for drinks tonight?”  Very thoughtful.

The Salesman has been very nice to text back and forth with but after I was unavailable for a second date for 2 weeks, he asked if it was a bad time and said he wasn’t sure if I wanted to move forward with getting to know him. I appreciated his nudge to be honest, not only to him, but to myself. I told him that I’m feeling a lot of pressure with the transition to and demands from the new job. I’m not doing a good job of taking care of myself right now. And if you aren’t taking care of yourself, you certainly don’t have much to give to someone else.

Everyone says it takes time to get to know someone, but I believe there has to be a spark there that makes you look forward to seeing them again, not indifferent. And right now, I don’t have extra time to spend getting to know someone who I am not really interested in. It’s not to say I don’t want to date full stop, but I don’t want to spend precious free time getting to know guys that I only feel so-so with.

That being said, I have one more match date scheduled for tomorrow night which I am looking forward to because this guy spends his free time doing all of the things I wish I had free time to do!  And after that I am spending the weekend with Grace and hanging out with friends. That is where I should be - things that feel good for - me!

Disclaimer: after I told the Salesman it wasn’t a good time to hang out, I had to sanity check myself with a few friends. Either I’m making much healthier decisions or I’m losing my mind. There is always that small fear that tells me I’ll end up alone if I don’t take every opportunity to meet someone. Then there is the larger part that tells me if I don’t end up happy being by myself, it won’t matter who I meet because I won’t be ready to be with someone.