Monday, February 10, 2014

The Angry Phase

It is safe to say I’ve entered the angry phase of post-break up healing.  I’m slowly moving from remembering the romantic memories to recalling all of Chap’s unfair, untrue assumptions and accusations. He referenced many times how his ex-long term girlfriend was incapable of lying. He held her up like a saint in comparison to me, who could never live up to such high standards and morals.  What did he hope to accomplish by repeatedly telling me how great she was? Obviously he knew it would make me feel less-than – and it did – it played perfectly into my “not good enough” complex. I was left wondering why she was so great and trying to prove that I was just as good.  Nonsense! 

It doesn’t matter who she is or if they are or are not a fit for each other’s paths, the only truth that I know is that he is not a fit for my path. No one would truly cares about you would compare you to someone else in a negative light. And I’m starting to wonder if he was capable of any depth of feeling outside of his own fear for himself.  Why always look for the worst in everyone else? And if you can’t find it – invent stories to prove the worst in them. Seems self-destructive. Glad I got out of the path of that storm!  Annoyed that I am still healing from the damage it did for the time I endured it.

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