Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Mom Guilt

I received a note from Grace’s father yesterday thanking me for being such a great mom and co-parent (though what would you expect from Wonder Woman? LOL) I still struggle with having significant ‘Mom guilt’ over the fact I carefully crafted and planned a perfect life for my child only to have it blown up at 10 weeks and left with a big question mark for the future. Will her Dad always stick around? Will she be happy splitting time between homes? Is being away from me at such a young age detrimental to her sense of self security? I don’t have the answers, only more fearful questions.

What I do know is that we now have a blank slate from which Grace and I can craft and live any type of life we want. Ice cream for dinner, morning walks in the park, evening dance parties - it’s ours to dream and make a reality. I am excited to see her grow as a person and can’t wait for her thoughts and ideas on how she wants to shape our limitless life together!

All thoughts come from either fear or from love. Those are the only two opinions when you strip it down to the core. The vacillation between fear based thoughts and love based thoughts swings quickly and frequently. After your life is turned upside down and your trust, your dreams, and your ego are stripped away, you are left in a very fearful place. I am fighting that fear on a minute by minute basis. Trying to replace the fearful thoughts of ‘will my daughter be ok?’ with love based thoughts of ‘our life is unlimited - endless opportunities to engage!’. It’s a battle that I suspect we are all engaged in, conscious or not.

1 comment:

  1. you are an amazing mom and are doing a great job! We all love you and are here for you every step of the way!!!