The Reality of Being the Odd Mom Out

I adore the show, “Odd Mom Out” for its cunning wit and sharp sarcasm in the depiction of the relatable feeling of not fitting into the phenomenon known as a ‘mom group’.  The show focuses on microcosm of a group of wealth moms from the Upper East Side who mostly have the same environmental variables. The hilarious difference is in the moral grounding of the main character, Jill Weber, that leads to conflicting parenting priorities as compared to her head-in-the-clouds socialite family and extended circle of friends.

However, despite the hilarity of the high-pressure parenting expectations of New York’s social elite, 

many single moms experience the true reality of feeling like the odd mom out on a daily basis. Single, working moms are the minority, usually not heard from because we are too busy trying to keep our kids, career and home afloat without missing a beat.  We are underrepresented and inaccurately portrayed on television; I’ve never met a single mom as relaxed as Lorelai on the “Gilmore Girls” and there are few, if any, other referenceable examples of starring solo mom roles.   

Unlike on television, in real life single moms set our own expectations that we need to fill the rolls of both mom and dad, resulting in a self-imposed a bar requiring 200% effort at all times so our children will be minimally impacted by a two-household lifestyle.

I’ve been a single mom since my daughter was an infant and I’ve spent the last five years feeling like the odd mom out. At first, the feeling of being the odd mom out manifested itself at birthday parties, where I was the only single parent (I don’t know where the 50% divorce rate statistic exists, but it is not in the Pre-K set).  I thought the other moms assumed something must be wrong with me that I didn’t have a husband in tow. Or worse, if my daughter got a ‘boo boo’, I was terrified of being judged for not successfully preventing every possible scrape or bruise.  So I kept to myself in a nice cozy corner and spent the time mindfully examining my piece of birthday cake as if I were a pastry-obsessed Sherlock Holmes.

During the course of raising a five-year-old, many special occasions have presented an opportunity to do cutesy things for holidays, teacher recognition, birthdays, etc.  Pinterest has provided a platform for resourceful DIY moms to construct adorably creative crafts, gifts and accessories for all occasions. If I had a dollar for every time someone said “you should check this out on Pinterest”, I would have enough for my daughter’s college tuition! Despite my lack of culinary expertise, I once attempted to make “easy pizza twists” which turned out looking like a volcano had melted down on my stove top. Being craft-challenged and time-restricted, every birthday in my house has been filled with store-bought goody bags and each teacher appreciation event has been accompanied with a gift card; and I have a Pavlovian-level cringe response every time I hear the word Pinterest. 

The one thing single moms have is time to themselves. Many married moms tell me are jealous that I have ‘time to myself’, but I’m sure if they had legally obligated time away from their children, they would not covet this ‘free time’. Either way, I made single friends who like to go out, see some concerts, and check out new hot spots.  But I quickly learned that singles go out on a whim, and many nights I had my daughter and couldn’t drop everything to hit up the cool event that evening.  I enjoyed single-life gossiping about dating successes and hilarious failures but my stories were also peppered with the saga of losing baby teeth and the funny things my daughter would say at dinner. 

Feeling disheartened and disconnected, my odd mom out sensitivity reached a breaking point when, at an elementary school fair, my daughter’s feelings were hurt when her two friends hopped on a ride that only allowed two kids at a time. Despite my continual efforts to reassure her that they did not leave her out and they did want to play with her, that it was purely the bad timing of the break in the line – she melted down and sat on a hill, sobbing with hurt feelings. I sat down next to her and my eyes welled up with tears because I couldn’t honestly say I felt any differently. I looked around and desperately wanted to find another single parent at the event who could empathize but it was clear this was solely on my shoulders.  I started to wonder how I was going to be enough support her for the next 13 years of her grade school life.

And just when I was sure the evidence was damning enough to prove I was, in fact, the odd mom out, my daughter’s friends’ parents came over and reached out to us. They shared stories of how they helped their children with similar sensitivities. They repeatedly offered help anytime I needed it, telling me that I can’t be afraid to ask when I need a helping hand. And they talked about future fun things for our kids to do together. That night, we all walked home together in a group of giggly kids, babbling toddles and ever-tired yet jovial adults. 

At the end of the evening, I stopped to observe the scene and I realized I was never the odd mom out. Just because my situation is not the same as other families, as parents and children, we were no different.  Moreover, the same parents who reached out to me at the fair were also at those initial birthday parties. It wasn’t just me who was worried about being judged for what might happen to my daughter – it was every mother.  And the Pinterest moms who have enviable creative skills, resources and time – well they have told me they don’t know how I do it. They don’t judge my store bought party favors, they are impressed I pull together a fun party for my daughter year after year.

Although single moms frequently feel like the odd mom out, not fitting neatly in with any one social circle, the fact is that we fit in to all circles. We have the spirit of being single and active and we have the worries that come with being a mother.  I will be forever thankful for that night where I realized we are all in this together, raising our children to the best of our abilities and offering a hand when someone needs a little extra help.

I thought I needed a husband...when what I needed was a wife!

After five years of single parenting, I finally broke down and admitted that I needed help. A wonderful girl from my work offered to come over and help me with Grace.  I offered to pay her, as I knew she was saving to buy a house - and I desperately needed the help.

She came over and played with Grace while I made dinner and took care of a few things around the house. Then she ran an errand and cleaned out Grace's too small clothes from her overflowing closet. (Next week she is going to hang something for me - she even knows how to use those illusive anchors which I've never figured out).

By the end of the night, Grace was relaxed because she didn't have to spend so much time playing by herself while mommy was doing "house stuff" - and I was relaxed because someone took the pressure of being the 100% source of entertainment while simultaneously handling household responsibilities.

When she left, I enjoyed a nice glass of wine and dozed off to sleep with a smile. For so long I thought that I needed a husband - it turns out what I needed was a wife!

Now she comes every week for one miraculously night where my to-do list is cut in half and my child goes to bed happy. I strongly recommend a mother's helper for any single mom (or working mom) - go get one today!

Lessons from Single Mom Lifeclass: The Golden Rule of Single Parenting

Iyanla Vanzant said this on Oprah’s Lifeclass for Single Moms - and I can not tell you how many times I’ve given the same advice to a woman who is considering leaving her marriage or a mom who is at the end of her rope, feeling burnt out - "You can not give what you do not have."

I believe this to be the golden role of single parenting. You can’t afford to lose yourself in the role of a parent because if you can not give what you do not have!  You can’t afford to not take care of yourself. You can’t afford to settle for less than what you deserve. You can’t afford to not pursue your dreams. Because you can not give what you do not have.  

Go fill up - on the life you have, the love that is around you and the dreams of what you want to do.

Lessons from Single Mom Lifeclass: You Are Not A Victim

During the Single Mom Lifeclass on Oprah, Iyanla Vanzant said what is one of the most powerful statements ever made about being a single parent: We were not victimized that we were left with children - as opposed to being blessed that God trusted us enough to be given a life to guide and raise.

A blessing...not once did I stop to consider that I have been entrusted with this value life. To be her guide and her rock. That I’m strong enough to take that burden on myself and to surround her with a community that will support her on her journey.  I have been blessed.

Iyanla also went on to explore guilt, stating that: all guilt requires punishment, so if you are holding guilt, you are going to punish yourself. Figure out how you are punishing yourself from your guilt.

How true is this?  I know some of the choices I have made, I did so knowing that they would hurt me in the end. I hadn’t considered that maybe I was punishing myself - by not holding myself as a higher value. By selling myself short, not believing that I deserved more.  My hope for single mom’s everywhere is that you can release the guilt and own your value, own your worthiness so that every decision you make takes you down the path you were meant to walk, along with your children.

I love that Iyanla said when those inevitable feelings of feelings of guilt and negative self-talk come up, bless them and send them out into the world.  Don’t hold on to them, you don’t need them anymore.

Lessons from Single Mom Lifeclass: Judgement

As I spent the weekend in bed sick, I also had a chance to watch the Single Mom Lifeclass that Oprah hosted.  The following blog posts are notes and my thoughts from the discussion.

was moved to tears just seeing an audience filled with all single moms. And when the first question was asked - what is your number one concern - all of the mom’s answered the same - judgement - it hit right to my core.

I feel judged all of the time - the most when I’m at “married people” events such as baby showers, house parties, dinners - where it is all married couples and me. I think they look at me like an alien who has come down and may contain a contagious disease that would result in their banishment to my isolated planet.  I also feel judged in the grocery store, in the mall, at restaurants, pretty much anywhere that someone sees my daughter and no wedding ring on my finger.

Iyanla Vanzant, one of the hosts, stated loud and clear that if you are feeling judged, it is because you are judging yourself. 99% of what we experience starts with what we perceive in our own minds.  And it is true - I’m judging myself. For picking the wrong partner. For not having the foresight to pick a stronger, grounded father who has integrity as a co-parent to my daughter. For saddling her with a man who will surely hurt her unless he does a lot of work himself.  How could I be so blind? So needy? So stupid as to allow him into my life - and then have a child with him?  Those are my judgements. So I assume the rest of the world is judging me too - for not picking a happy healthy relationship like those we all see on Facebook!

Iyanla said a prayer which I believe we should all say to ourselves twice a day, just for being human, single mom or not: "I forgive myself for judging myself as less than. I forgive myself for judging that I'm not doing it right." She added, “If God will allow it, you must accept it.”

I have not yet forgiven myself. I know there was nothing I could do to have changed what happened. But I haven’t forgiven myself….yet...and it’s about time I did!

“I will be the person she can learn from.”

Each evening when the weather is good, Grace and I eat dinner on the deck. And each evening we greet the birds who eagerly perch on the ledge near us.  Grace thinks they have come to say hi, but I know that their nest full of babies sits in the large bush behind us and they are merely staking out their turf to ensure that no one messes with their babies.

I’m waiting for the magical moment when it gets easier to say goodbye to my child when she goes to her dad.  Apparently, for those birds, that time does not come when your child is still a baby who is defenseless and dependent on you to sustain them.

Two days ago her father was leaving my house and Grace said, “I coming with Daddy” and tried to leave with him. I was crushed. I slowly left the room and hid my tears that came pouring out when I reached the safety of a bedroom.  Why does she want to go with HIM? The one who destroyed her family? Who put his desires before her well-being?  My heart broke into a thousand pieces knowing he gets the invaluable gift of her love and affection without having done anything to earn it.  Who twisted her body inside and out to get pregnant? Who watched the baby while he lied to work saying he was spending time with his newborn daughter but was really visiting his girlfriend? Who got up with Grace every waking night of her infancy while he was off “living the life of a 25 year old” as he so desired?

He came to pick her up this morning to take her to visit his family for a long weekend. While I recognize that it is good that she spends time with that side of her family, having someone take your child away from you for three days feels unnatural and a bit sickening.  Those birds get a fierce look in their eye anytime you walk near their sacred nest and I had the same look this morning. How dare he take her away from me. He’s taken time with her away from me since she was 10 weeks when he decided everything was about him and carelessly created havoc and wrecked in the life that I had worked so hard to build, Leaving the rest of to pay the high price of the consequences. For this reason, I have nicknamed him HWB (Human Wrecking Ball).

After Grace pulled away in her father’s car and I gave the one last happy mommy face and waved goodbye, I closed the the front door and melted down. How can things be so unfair? How can life be so cruel?

So when is that magic moment where things become ok?  I don’t know. But I do know that I need to let go. Let go of the resentment that he is a weak human being whose foundation was never fully formed.  Let go of the resentment that I have endured suffering more than I thought I could ever withstand.  Let go of the resentment that life did not turn out as I had hoped. Let go of the resentment that I feel pain on a daily basis that was not there before.  Let go of the resentment that the tsunami of our divorce left me less of a parent that I had planned to be.  I need to let go. For me, for my health, and most of all, for Grace.  Because the importance of Grace having a loving father in her life far outweighs the resentment I am holding so tightly on to (see Monday’s post about left side pain!).

It is with this recognition that I am focused on providing Grace a healthy, happy environment which means encouraging her relationship with her father and at least acting happy when she leaves to go with him so that she knows mommy is happy that Grace is leaving for a weekend of fun.  I am using that focus to push down the strong urge I have to tell my ex off. I want to scream and yell and remind him of his awful deeds. Inform him, again, that the consequences of such did not just disappear because a bit of time has gone by.  But I won’t. Because it won’t help Grace.  The only thing that will help is if I foster her father-daughter relationship. And one day, if he should cause her pain, I will be there to provide unbiased perspective so that she doesn’t internalize his actions as a reflection of herself but instead recognizes him as a flawed human being, but one that loves her. She will learn from me.  So I will to be the person she can learn from.

Lessons from single moms for all

Still out of commission from the stomach plague, I went to the doctor today who “barred” me from returning to work.. As I teared up, I informed her that:

a) only wimps don’t go to work for a week due to illness

b) I’ve spent an average of 20 mins a day with my daughter since I got sick.

She ritually absolved me from all “mom guilt” citing that letting Grace watch two episodes of Sesame Street back to back is ok because I don’t do it normally and right now is not a normal time.

The stomach plague has left me feeling deflated, personally and professionally (and physically!), as I’m used to functioning at 200% and I’m not feeling up to par right now.  As I came home to throw myself a pity party, I came across an article from Working Mother magazine: “Single Mom’s: The One and Only”.  The article bestows tips and survival techniques learned from single moms that any mom can benefit from to manage a demanding job, nurture a growing child, and maintain a functioning household.  Never has a truer line been written, “In a Darwinian sense, we have adapted to our environment and have evolved—by freakish fate—into a stronger species.”

In case you are like me and don’t have time to read the full article, here are the tips in short order:

Lessons from Single Moms

1. Broaden your idea of "right" and "wrong." It's liberating to realize how many choices you have once you start doing things your own way. Your family eats late? Great, you have family dinner. Your kid brings takeout for multicultural week? Cool. Doing what works for your family takes the pressure off and makes everyone—parents and kids—happiest.

2. Plan ahead. Have not just Plan B but Plans C and D on deck, too. This way, when things don’t go according to Plan A (and inevitably they won’t), you won’t feel like the entire ship is going down.

3. Make “me time” a must-do. Single moms know more than anyone else the truth in the saying, “Happy mommy, happy baby.” Even if you can’t get to yoga every day, taking 15 minutes to thumb through a magazine, soak in the tub or chat on the phone with a friend will do wonders for your mood and energy.

4. Make it simple. Instead of feeling guilty for taking the easy way out, realize how brilliant you are! When I send my son to school with the pre-made costume instead of having slaved over a homemade one for days, I look at the other moms and think, “Too bad for you—I got to watch Downton Abbey.”

5. Have lots of rituals. Pizza night, movie night, babysitter night. Knowing what’s happening, and when, frees up tons of bandwidth for you and makes things fun for kids.

6. Use the village. Even if you’re not the asking type, you’ll be surprised how much neighbors, colleagues and other kids’ moms actually enjoy helping people out. Let them!

7. Laugh out loud. Perfection is never funny; in fact, it’s boring. You want funny? Let things go wrong, and enjoy telling that story for years to come.

Make that island your paradise!

One that that I suspect is common across many single moms (or single people in general) is the feeling of being on an island. This is one I struggle with on a daily basis. Feeling disconnected. As if the pressure of the world is on me to keep things running smoothly while being isolated from everyone else.

Date with Aquaman Friday night went ok. He has all of the characteristics that I am looking for in someone (which does not make him Mr. Right but at least puts him in the ‘candidate’ category).  However, I was uneasy that whole night - I was caught somewhere between the pressure of a first date and feeling so vulnerable right now that I’m too scared to move for fear someone will easily be able to hurt me again.  However, after the date I decided I’d like to go out with him again to see what might be there because fear is not a reason to hold yourself back from anything.

But....then on Saturday and Sunday, Aquaman attempted a couple of ‘flirty’ texts along the lines of ‘i miss you’ which completely freaked me out. I said as much as well - too intense, scare easily. Trying to give him the signal to back off.

I was so disappointed because I felt hopeful meeting someone who actually fell in the candidate category only to find his level of intensity to be too much too fast. Which landed me right back on the island. The feeling that there isn’t someone out there for me, it’s going to be Grace and I against the world for ever.

And then I was reminded to make that island my paradise!   After all, I called Time Out to focus on me.  To make my island a paradise of things that I love. Starting with fun with Grace, including running, spending time with loved ones, writing, reading = taking care of myself.  

So as for Aquaman, if he can slow his pace down to match mine then maybe we can hang out again and see what is there. He is a very unique person and I was looking forward to getting to know him better.  But if he can’t, that this is not a fit.  Either way, my energy needs to be directed into making that island a paradise and not into looking to someone else to make it a paradise for me.

Why did I say that?

So the guy from the weekend set a date for Friday night. Great, no pressure, technically I’m on a Time Out, so 1 dinner is no biggie.  

After a series of text exchanges, he called last night. At first I’m thinking - this is great!  A guy who actually picks up the phone and calls...until reality quickly sets and I remember I’ve already finished a glass of wine and, being the lightweight I am, should not be talking to someone I barely know!

The conversation flow was ok but at many points I found myself thinking ‘why did I say that?’.  Some comments were much more brash than I am, or more pointed...I don’t know how exactly to describe it but it was almost as if I was subconsciously testing this guy to see if he could handle it.

WTF - what am I thinking?  Does anyone else do this?  How do you stoppppp?  After we hung up I wasn’t even sure he’d still want to take me to dinner!

On the plus side, normally my interpretation of what happened is harsher than what happened in reality. But on the minus side, I wasn’t being my true self. I couldn’t relax and just simply be myself.
 
Wonder Woman says: I’m done with over thinking each thing I say - how it comes off, what the other person thinks.  The whole time spent with the Twinkie, I was careful not to say certain things so I could maintain a certain ‘cool’ edge but ended up realizing that constantly thinking about what you are saying causes a lot of anxiety. Not to mention the constant judgement of critiquing yourself wears you down.  Maybe it’s time to stop asking ‘why did I say that?’ and start saying ‘yeah, I just said that...so what!” (a la New Girl style...if you don’t want that show, it is a Must See!)

All of this being said, I’ve decided :  If he texts today, then all is good. If he doesn’t text today then he thinks I’m a huge freak in which case...well, he’s wrong and should have been smart enough to stick around!  

Mom Guilt

I received a note from Grace’s father yesterday thanking me for being such a great mom and co-parent (though what would you expect from Wonder Woman? LOL) I still struggle with having significant ‘Mom guilt’ over the fact I carefully crafted and planned a perfect life for my child only to have it blown up at 10 weeks and left with a big question mark for the future. Will her Dad always stick around? Will she be happy splitting time between homes? Is being away from me at such a young age detrimental to her sense of self security? I don’t have the answers, only more fearful questions.

What I do know is that we now have a blank slate from which Grace and I can craft and live any type of life we want. Ice cream for dinner, morning walks in the park, evening dance parties - it’s ours to dream and make a reality. I am excited to see her grow as a person and can’t wait for her thoughts and ideas on how she wants to shape our limitless life together!

All thoughts come from either fear or from love. Those are the only two opinions when you strip it down to the core. The vacillation between fear based thoughts and love based thoughts swings quickly and frequently. After your life is turned upside down and your trust, your dreams, and your ego are stripped away, you are left in a very fearful place. I am fighting that fear on a minute by minute basis. Trying to replace the fearful thoughts of ‘will my daughter be ok?’ with love based thoughts of ‘our life is unlimited - endless opportunities to engage!’. It’s a battle that I suspect we are all engaged in, conscious or not.

Night out

I went out this weekend with my friend Mulan. Though I am officially on ‘time out’, we did meet a few eligible bachelors during our night out. A well respected businessman in the area asked for my number and, true to “Millionaire Matchmaker” best guidance, he asked me out the very next day! The impending date is still to be set and I have a bit of due diligence left to do to ensure there is not record of past criminal offenses, obnoxious internet videos or other offensives that would be just cause to cancel said date. To my credit, that night I played it cool and confident and I even through in a ‘ya I know’ when a compliment was passed my way!

Though meeting cute guys with was fun, my favorite part of the night was watching my friend Mulan in full form. She is gorgeous, smart, sexy and confident. She will talk to anyone who walks nearby and always holds an engaging and entertaining conversation. She meets people with such ease that it is enviable. I am very lucky to count her among my Superhero friends!

I have no ‘ah ha’ insights from this weekend other than - wow did it feel good to get some attention from a couple of different guys in one of my first unattached nights out on the town.

Calling Time Out!

That’s it - I need a time out! After a whirlwind of a year, i’m tired, flat out exhausted! My adventures in dating, while fun, occassionally dramatic, and always entertaining have left me short of breath and in need of some serious soul searching.
In the last year, I have dabbled with:
The Cheshire Cat - amazing smile, says all the right things, but disappears into thin air - he never showed up!
The Ken Doll - handsome, smart, funny, the whole package. But he has his Barbie and while I wish them the best...well, I really don’t, I secretly hope to hang out with Ken again!
The Twinkie - originally coined during an episode of friends when Monica was dating one of her father’s friends (played by Tom Selleck). Monica’s father referred to his friend’s girlfriend who was in her 20’s as “the twinkie in the city” - not knowing “the twinkie” was his daughter! Twinkies are young, carefree and fun. They are sugar filled and taste good, but Twinkies don’t have the substance that you need when you are in your 30’s and raising a little girl.

There are a few others who have been left out, the basketball player, hot hair, etc. They all fall in the bucket of very fun but it ends at fun!

The trend here is all guys who aren’t ready to invest. I invest so freely and easily that I keep getting hurt. At first I took this as all rejection - the old story of ‘I’m not good enough’, which is all too familiar to anyone who has experienced infidelity first hand. But upon second look, I’m investing in all the wrong guys! I pick amazing friends. Superheros who try every day to make the world a better place. But the guys...I pick the ones that are doomed from the start, investing in guys that will never give the return that I want.

So I’m calling Time Out and taking some time to look inside of myself to find the peace and happiness that I’ve been looking to everyone else to provide for me.

Introduction

“The Itsy Bitsy Spider” is my daughter’s favorite song. I sing it to her every day, showing her the hand motions as she watches with wide eyes. Singing it a second time, I help her tiny fingers through the motions which is consistently received with ripples of laughter. One day, after performing our daily musical ritual, I began to think about how prophetic this song is for my life.

In the month leading up to my daughter’s birth, I was happily climbing up my own water spout, dreaming of the day I would meet my newborn child. After six months of grueling fertility treatments with my husband, I was sitting on the edge of the miracle I had longed for. My dream was coming true in every way.

Grace was born in mid-September and I was elated. How could I be so blessed to have a real-life angel become part of my life? I noticed that my husband was pulling back and becoming withdrawn, but I figured that was not uncommon for a first-time dad who was trying to get his head around life with an infant. So I launched my own personal campaign to reassure him that he was a great dad and that while new babies are tough, things would only get better from here.

Two months after my daughter was born, the rain started to a drizzle and dampen my new life. My husband informed me he was not happy in our marriage and wanted more freedom. I was in shock. This was new information to me! So I spent four gut wrenching weeks speaking with friends, family, and a therapist hoping to find the golden key to restoring our marriage. Unfortunately, a month later, the downpour came. My husband informed me he was having an affair.

A month before our baby was due, while I was still climbing the water spout with dreams of baby dancing in my head, he was testing out the freedom he wanted so badly… in the form of a relationship with another woman. Although many friends pointed out that all of the signs of cheating were there, I defended him until the end. Not my loving husband! He would never do that! He would never intentionally hurt me so badly! When he finally admitted his affair, I broke into a thousand pieces. I had to tell myself to remember to breathe.

The rain came down hard and it surely washed this spider out. My husband made it clear that he was not planning to work on the marriage. His plan was to claim his freedom, including staying in contact with the other woman. I told him he was no longer welcome in our home, effective immediately. Overnight our lives changed permanently.

I awakened the next morning to a vicious physical reaction. I was sick to my stomach, barely being able to pull myself to a sitting position. My best friend, Liz, came over immediately to tend to Grace until my mother arrived. My mother proceeded to take tender, loving care of my daughter and me. Through her wisdom and unwavering love, I learned that I could manage through another day of this torrential downpour.

Christmas was fast approaching and I had to make decisions that would set the tone for our relationship. I reached out to my husband and his parents and invited them to join my family on Christmas morning to celebrate our daughter’s first Christmas. On Christmas morning, it felt like a bucket of cold water had waken me from my peaceful dreams; my vivid dream of our first Christmas together as a family was washed away and I was faced with the cold, stinging reality of the situation my husband had created through his own selfish actions. It was both one of the hardest decisions I had to make and one of the best, because our family, shattered by pain, came together to focus on the love we have for Grace.

During the weeks that followed, an amazing thing happened. The sun came out and the horrible rain actually started to dry. Love and support for my daughter and me came from every area of our lives. Family, friends and even coworkers reached out, making it clear that they were not going to let me fall down. They were going to prop me up and help me take those first steps back up the spout. The outpouring of love was overwhelming. For the second time, I had to remind myself to breathe, as the warmth of the love surrounded me so completely.

Today, despite the daily searing pain, my life’s mission is to ensure my daughter is happy, secure, and surrounded by love. I have the opportunity to dream new dreams. Our possibilities together are limitless. So I find myself climbing up the water spout again. Admittedly I am scared and shaken, but I am also stronger and more determined than ever to be the type of person that my daughter can look to for inspiration when one day life’s inevitable rains come and she finds herself needing to climb up the spout again.