Monday, March 5, 2012

Make that island your paradise!

One that that I suspect is common across many single moms (or single people in general) is the feeling of being on an island. This is one I struggle with on a daily basis. Feeling disconnected. As if the pressure of the world is on me to keep things running smoothly while being isolated from everyone else.

Date with Aquaman Friday night went ok. He has all of the characteristics that I am looking for in someone (which does not make him Mr. Right but at least puts him in the ‘candidate’ category).  However, I was uneasy that whole night - I was caught somewhere between the pressure of a first date and feeling so vulnerable right now that I’m too scared to move for fear someone will easily be able to hurt me again.  However, after the date I decided I’d like to go out with him again to see what might be there because fear is not a reason to hold yourself back from anything.

But....then on Saturday and Sunday, Aquaman attempted a couple of ‘flirty’ texts along the lines of ‘i miss you’ which completely freaked me out. I said as much as well - too intense, scare easily. Trying to give him the signal to back off.

I was so disappointed because I felt hopeful meeting someone who actually fell in the candidate category only to find his level of intensity to be too much too fast. Which landed me right back on the island. The feeling that there isn’t someone out there for me, it’s going to be Grace and I against the world for ever.

And then I was reminded to make that island my paradise!   After all, I called Time Out to focus on me.  To make my island a paradise of things that I love. Starting with fun with Grace, including running, spending time with loved ones, writing, reading = taking care of myself.  

So as for Aquaman, if he can slow his pace down to match mine then maybe we can hang out again and see what is there. He is a very unique person and I was looking forward to getting to know him better.  But if he can’t, that this is not a fit.  Either way, my energy needs to be directed into making that island a paradise and not into looking to someone else to make it a paradise for me.

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