Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Why did I say that?

So the guy from the weekend set a date for Friday night. Great, no pressure, technically I’m on a Time Out, so 1 dinner is no biggie.  

After a series of text exchanges, he called last night. At first I’m thinking - this is great!  A guy who actually picks up the phone and calls...until reality quickly sets and I remember I’ve already finished a glass of wine and, being the lightweight I am, should not be talking to someone I barely know!

The conversation flow was ok but at many points I found myself thinking ‘why did I say that?’.  Some comments were much more brash than I am, or more pointed...I don’t know how exactly to describe it but it was almost as if I was subconsciously testing this guy to see if he could handle it.

WTF - what am I thinking?  Does anyone else do this?  How do you stoppppp?  After we hung up I wasn’t even sure he’d still want to take me to dinner!

On the plus side, normally my interpretation of what happened is harsher than what happened in reality. But on the minus side, I wasn’t being my true self. I couldn’t relax and just simply be myself.
Wonder Woman says: I’m done with over thinking each thing I say - how it comes off, what the other person thinks.  The whole time spent with the Twinkie, I was careful not to say certain things so I could maintain a certain ‘cool’ edge but ended up realizing that constantly thinking about what you are saying causes a lot of anxiety. Not to mention the constant judgement of critiquing yourself wears you down.  Maybe it’s time to stop asking ‘why did I say that?’ and start saying ‘yeah, I just said what!” (a la New Girl style...if you don’t want that show, it is a Must See!)

All of this being said, I’ve decided :  If he texts today, then all is good. If he doesn’t text today then he thinks I’m a huge freak in which case...well, he’s wrong and should have been smart enough to stick around!  

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