Monday, August 13, 2012

Monster for free!

With my newly boy-drama-free time, I’ve been reflecting on the previous post about the guilt I’m carrying around on a daily basis. When I stop to think about it at any given second, I am constantly telling myself where I’m falling short and should do better.  This just won’t do!  Wonder Woman has the word Wonder in her name for a reason! So here begins the battle with my inner monster who has been there since before I can remember. As far as I know, I was born with it. The voice that has told me for years on end that I’m not good enough and not loveable.  I’ve made steps forward with reigning this monster in but after all of this time, all I survived and even thrived through, it seems the appropriate time to put this monster to rest. Easier said that done, as I think many people struggle lifelong to defeat their inner monster, whatever it may be. But I’m tired of mine and would like to put him up for adoption.  “Free Monster, please pick up at curbside”!

I need to get rid of this Monster before I will be able to successfully and smoothly begin dating seriously.  I can blame scars on the ex or past dating experiences but the truth is, the biggest obstacle of all is in me and it needs to go.

Most importantly, this needs to be done for the sake of my daughter. In the preface to her latest book, Brené Brown, Ph.D., a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, said about her research findings, “It was clear from the data that we cannot give our children what we don’t have.Where we are on our journey of living and loving with our whole hearts is a much stronger indicator of parenting success than anything we can learn from how-to books.”

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