Tuesday, July 15, 2014

"Did you do it on purpose....?"

I relayed the tale of the guy from the weekend to Little Buddha. Her immediate response was, “Ok, soooo – first question, did you do it on purpose so you could beat yourself up a little since lately you haven’t needed to and you feel guilty because you don’t feel guilty?”

Ironically, I entitled that blog post “Oops I did it again”.  Maybe she is on to something.  Could it be that I’m not sure how to be content?  If I go by the ‘three questions to guide all decisions’ (otherwise summed up in one very persuasive question, “What would the awesome version of me do?”), I wouldn’t have hung out with him for the whole night. I would have realized I was settling for hanging out with a guy who is less than what I deserved.

So why did I decided to screw it & let loose and let the night unfold?  Is it that I don’t know how to just be content?  This is a level of mindfulness that I never considered...that I have not yet reached.  Do you find yourself doing things that you know underneath is not what the awesome version of you would do, yet you choose to do it anyway? Have you ever NOT regretted the decision?  I know I always regret & feel guilty after.  Just as I am now.

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