Thursday, November 13, 2014

I Admit It, I'm Addicted to Dating!

I admit it - I’m addicted to dating. I don’t mean in the way that you want to go out wiht lots of guys, but I mean in the way that I can’t stop looking for someone...for ‘the one’.  I constantly look around in bars and public places, just to see if he is possibly around the corner. I check Tinder more often than is healthy and I get excited with my app has a little number badge, telling me someone has reached out.

Yet when I’m actually engaging in conversation with these people, I lose interest right away. I find a small reason why it isn’t worth my time to continue to invest energy in them. Sometimes I even feel resentful that the are taking up my precious energy in the first place.

And then it who seems to have potential comes up. And I get excited - that maybe this one might go somewhere. And I meet him...and go out on 1, 2 or 3 dates and then the inevitable factor of why he is not a fit arises - not ready to date, stuck on himself, is a player (#1 reason by far!)  And then my hopes are crushed, because I was sure that after all of my hard work both on myself and on my search, that someone was bound to land right in front of me at any moment...and maybe this one would be that guy. But he isn’t.

Each time I end up feeling let down.  But I keep putting myself back out there. Furiously swiping right and left, hoping someone who is on the same page as me may connect.

I’ve told myself and anyone who will listen that I’m done. I don’t have the energy or the motivation. I would love to find Mr. Right but not at the expense of all of my free time and attention.  Yet I haven’t stopped. I’ve probably checked Tinder 10 times already today to see if there is a new message.

So what happens if I just stop. If I stop pursuing finding someone else and start just being me.  Does the universe work in a way that that someone ends up in my path?  Does it doom me to being alone for the rest of my earthly existence?  Will the feeling of isolation that is so painful to me grow to unimaginable depths or will it receed as I see that life is full already?

I’m scared to unplug. Should I take the plunge?  The closest I’ve gotten is to tipping my toe into this proverbial pool of cold water shock - only responding to people when they reach out, rather than messaging them first to see if there is a bite….see if someone is excited to hear from this hot single momma!

No comments:

Post a Comment