Thursday, November 15, 2012

Un-break up, day 1

I was wrong. He came back for me. He showed up with chocolate chip cookies and answers to all of my questions. We talked through what he sees as lifestyle differences and what causes him to feel he’s in a pressure cooker. In the end, it comes down to the fact he wants to adapt to integrating a child into his life but he doesn’t feel isn’t adapting so far and that scares him and he doubts himself if he’ll be able to do it because it hasn’t happened so far.

He wants to spend more time with Grace and continue seeing me. I informed him if is his perception of a child in your life is negative, then the experience will be too and he’ll need to give himself enough mental space to just experience time and build a relationship with her.

Moreover we talked about how much he hurt me and he apologized profusely. When I asked how he could see that we move forward from this, he said he needs to communicate with me more regularly. That we both need to check in to see how the other is feeling frequently. And that he needs to try to adapt.

He is saying the right things in terms of trying. I am nervous about his negative perception and his self-doubt when it comes to Grace. Because you can only change if you want to change. You can only adapt if you want to.  He’s used to living an unencumbered lifestyle where he can go anywhere and do anything he wants on a whim and adding a child into the mix means a big adjustment.

We talked a lot about change and he said a lot of this is scary and he has doubt because it is so unknown. He has no basis for comparison or information on what it should be like. That is where the communication should come in - level setting what is going on. If he does the work on his side, and this is not a fit, then so be it.  But if he gets scared and backs away without warning....I’ll punch him in the face.

So, I have tentatively agreed to try this with him. Recognizing that I’m taking a big risk. But also recoginizing that I’m not ready to let him go.

No comments:

Post a Comment