Tuesday, August 12, 2014

“I see you making sure no one can see you yet and there must be a darn good reason for that.”

Upon reading Monday’s blog post, Little Buddha sent this note:
“I don’t see anyone rejecting you.  I see you making sure no one can see you yet and there must be a darn good reason for that.  You are an exceptional person, you have the ability to see more than I think you even know.  Even though if feels like you are unloved, I think, in this incredible way, you know none of them are worth inviting in quite yet.
This house you are building, it’s just not finished yet and why have some stranger come in and take over renovations when they have done none of the work to get it where it’s at now?  When you are done is when you will be open to visitors and only then will you be ok sharing in what you’ve built.”

She brings up an interesting point, I am not letting anyone really see me.  And she’s right that the house is not yet finished.

So that brings up the question - to date or not to date while you are working on yourself?  I took a break for a couple days from online dating but I gave in and went right back out there and have another date lined up this week (Plan A was to take off for at least a month).  However, I decided this time will be on my terms - no more saying yes because I think it is the right thing to do. There has to be a reason that I WANT to meet the guy. Nice and average is not a reason. Substance and interest is.

The catch 22 remains though - Do I stop dating while I build the rest of the proverbial house? Yet I’m too scared to stop dating because it feels like I’m not moving forward.

I’ve read tons of articles about people who stopped dating and focused on finding themselves, only to have true love arrive at the end (my fav is this one published on Tiny Buddha, “Love Shows Up When You Do”).  However, it is fair to say working on myself is an ongoing process, not something I pause to do. My life is neither empty nor incomplete. In fact it feels fuller than ever after the last 3 years of being on my own.

Can you date and build your house at the same time?  Can you focus on yourself while learning from others along the way?  Is dating merely the nails that helps to put things in place in your house until you are ready for a true visitor?

So my answer is this: Live fully. Learn as you go. Maybe a companion will come along when the time is right.

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